"In 2001, [Bill Frist] attended to a colleague, Strom Thurmond, who had collapsed on the Senate floor. (Mr. Lott, therefore, has Dr. Frist to thank that he was able to keep a speaking engagement at Mr. Thurmond's hundredth-birthday celebration.)" Jan 27th, '03 New Yorker
Remember kids: Altruism has its own rewards. After all, the career you save may be your own.
Even if you've never started a paper by leafing through the sports section, you should consider reading this gem, by Washington Post sports columnist Sally Jenkins.
Her piece, concerning the latest travails of high school basketball phenom James LeBron, transcends the world of sports to become true social commentary regarding fame, celebrity, pettiness, jealousy, hypocrisy and commercialism. That's what good sports columns do -- help us keep score in ways small and large. -- read it --
Put a cape on this woman! -- from the Can't make this stuff up dept.
If you've had the misfortune to have been watching CNN for more than 10 continuous minutes at any point in the past few weeks or have enjoyed some other similar 'quality' news source, you've surely heard about the story of Laci Peterson. She's pregnant and beautiful and... missing, having left only her sketchy husband behind. Oh, the drama! Titillating enough to earn her a spot in CNN's storied news lineup between George Bush, Saddam Hussein and 'When Connie Chung Attacks,' there's been nightly Laci Peterson updates/newsconferences/group therapy sessions. But we here at Stinky Shorts would never write about such gray areas between news and sex and treachery. (We prefer to write about news OR sex or urologists... but not all at once!)
So this story, about a possible sighting of Ms. Peterson (Elvis reportedly NOT in tow) is featured merely for its humor value. Apparently, she approached a 45-year-old grocery clerk at the checkout counter and duly informed her that "This is serious. I was kidnapped. Call the authorities when I leave." The clerk then:
A) Alerted the big bad guy near the woman to the charge against him
B) Forgot all about the incident.
C) Drove home and listened to "Awaken the Giant Within" tapes in her car
A week later, she did call police -- she remembered it all as she was watching CNN! full story
(If any Stinky Shorts readers, upon reading this bit of news, suddenly recall a recently forgotten murder, rape, kidnapping or other heineous, yet scintillating felony they have witnessed (preferably involving a young and photogenic victim), please let us know. We yearn for an acknowledgement of our infinite utility.)
Top 10 Signs Your Visit to the Urologist Is Not Going That Well...
10. Signs in the waiting room ask you to, “At all times, keep your belongings with you, and your hands to yourself.”
9. He greets you with a "How's it hangin'?" and then gives you a conspiratorial wink...
8. Instead of diplomas on the wall, there are 'trophies', if you know what i mean.
7. His assistants are named 'Left' and 'Ri…' no, wait, he only has one assistant
6. His business card says. "Thanks for your business. Please visit if you can't come again."
5. When you give him the requested semen sample, he says "Ah, for me? You really shouldn't have..."
4. When you take your pants off, he looks down and complains "Aren't you happy to see me?"
3. His latex gloves are 'ribbed' for pleasure.
2. He shakes his head and asks, "Will you be needing both of these?"
1. After 20 minutes of squeezin' and pokin' your private parts, he says "The doctor will be right with you..."
Sabri insisted that Iraq has encouraged its scientists to agree to private interviews but that the government cannot force people to do so. "I think you care very much in the United States and in Europe for personal freedom, personal liberties," he said. "Are those scientists not covered by this concept? You ask us to force them to accept unattended interviews. We have encouraged them but we cannot force them."
- Naji Sabri, foreign minister of that bastion of personal freedom and liberties, Iraq - full story
''People write because it seems like it'll be an easier job than carpet laying, that they might meet more girls, and they write because the world strikes them as being a marvelous place, and they want to keep bringing that to everybody's attention. You know, a scary place, a menacing place, an exciting place because it's scary and menacing. But mainly, kind of glorious.''
- Warren Zevon, a songwriter in the last stages of a fatal illness (mesothelioma), from In His Time of Dying
"Many years ago, I conducted an experiment of placing a note in copies of several briskly selling books in a local Washington bookstore. The notes had my phone number and offered five dollars to anyone who saw them and called me up. No one called. Though hardly scientific, this tended to confirm my suspicion that people like buying books more than they like reading them. And of course, in the famous formulation (credited to Gloria Steinem, among others), writers don’t like writing —they like having written. They like having written under the impression that this means they will be read. The whole book thing is thus based on mutual misunderstanding."
- Michael Kinsley, pundit extraordinaire, famously delinquent National Book awards judge, Parkinson's sufferer
The spirit of Mahir lives on! (i.e. stupidity so astounding, it becomes an asset...)
Incidentally, Mahir himself lives on at this somewhat sad attempt to extend his 15 minutes of fame - Ikissyou.org. The site includes an exit-interview of sorts (from the spotlight, that is) that the NYT did with him, recounting the whole Mahir story.
Streaming video on the internet has been getting better steadily over the past few years. With increasing broadband proliferation, better technology from Apple, Microsoft and RealNetworks and some effort from content providers, streaming video on the web has become nearly usable... giving your average Joe a maybe two out of three chance of seeing something akin to a moving image without waiting for an eternal progress bar.
Major League Baseball, through a partnership with RealNetworks, will broadcast a 'major portion' of its games online in the coming season. Will be interesting to watch how this turns out and whether it portends the further availability of TV content on-line, on a pay-per-view basis. Why not?
Two old men clapping off-beat to La Cucaracha while a monkey in an E-Trade t-shirt dances on top of a garbage can. Then comes the punchline: "We just wasted two million dollars. What are you doing with your money?"
This, and other gems, and you don't even have to wait for the video to load. Just read about them.
(And, btw, my money's on the Raiders over the Bucs, 23-17.)
At the U.S. Strategic Command (STRATCOM) in Omaha and inside planning cells of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, target lists are being scrutinized, options are being pondered and procedures are being tested to give nuclear armaments a role in the new U.S. doctrine of "preemption."