Search for Newsman Called Off

[ from http://stinkyshorts.blogspot.com ]

CNN anchor Aaron Brown has been located alive and well, following a brief, but frenzied search. Below the videophone stream of the tanks, left of the feed from the Iraqi newsconference, partially covered by the bottom news ticker regarding the possible cancellation of the Oscars, he was found somberly pontificating in the 'LIVE' picture-in-a-picture-in-a-picture box in the corner, entirely unaware of viewers' ongoing efforts to locate him.

We are glad he's OK and saving up for a big-screen TV to prevent any further such incidents.

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Saddam Body Double Looks to Defect

[ from http://stinkyshorts.blogspot.com ]

Washington D.C. – One of Saddam’s body doubles has asked the United States government for asylum, according to senior White House sources.

The bizarre phone call on Wednesday evening took White House phone operators by surprise, when a man identified himself as “double Saddam” and frantically screamed “Talk little Bush now! This not Saddam, not Saddam! Me Saddam is very big lie! Very big lie!” into the receiver. The caller was connected to Donald Rumsfeld directly and a brief conversation followed, the sources said.

American intelligence is still trying to determine if the call came from one of Saddam’s three known body doubles or, in fact, Saddam himself. Especially puzzling is the fact that the caller asked for asylum not only for “double Saddam” himself, but also for Saddam’s sons, referred to as “double Uday” and “double Qusay.”

Last night, intelligence officials were formulating a response, even as calls from “double Tariq Aziz,” “double General Amir al-Sadi” and other “doubles” of the Iraqi leadership lit up the White House switchboard.


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McDonalds to Start Selling Real Food

[ from http://stinkyshorts.blogspot.com ]

McDonalds will start making food that tastes good in a last ditch effort to reverse declining sales, the ubiquitous restaurant chain said in a surprise announcement today.

“Risky times call for bold strategies,” McDonalds CEO Richard Tool, said in a statement, “Certainly, our customers will be shocked, at first. But we think there is a real market out there for hamburgers that taste like beef and chicken patties that taste like chicken. We aren’t touching the fries.”

Wall street analyst are skeptical of the move. “People have been eating crap at McDonalds for decades – and paying for it. They should stay away from 'real' food and stick with what they know,” said Morgan Stanley restaurant analyst Steven Mooney.

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